(no subject)

[noahgibbs]

From a polyamory mailing list:

> > Would you say that you are definitely open
> > to polyfidelity?
>
> I'm not. For me, polyfidelity is just like
> monogamy. Except with more people.

Comments

[gaaneden.livejournal.com]

What do you think of that?

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

Honestly? I think it's pretty silly.

But then, not only do I have no problem with "monogamy with more people", I don't have massive problems with monogamy. I'm just currently in a poly relationship (two, in fact, until very recently). Monogamy is a fine thing if you care about having a single, strong primary more than you care about variety and the freedom to boff other chicks :-P

[gaaneden.livejournal.com]

I was thinking something similar. I've been in poly relationships and monogamous ones, too. I think, I prefer polyfidelity when it comes to poly relationships but that is where my comfort level is based on the past experiences. One thing I have learned from being polyamorous is that each person is different thus each relationship is as well.

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

This snippet is having a rather curious button pushing effect on me.

On the one hand, I totally agree with the logical content of the statement.

On the other hand - it's tweaking my angst at the sfbay-poly community overwhelming feel of "being poly means out-looking-for-more-people-to-have-sex-with and if you disagree it's because you're being repressed or hypocritical and need to get over yourself" - which I disagree with.

[miss-mimsy.livejournal.com]

Oh thank goodness I am not the only one who feels that way. I get so frustrated when I perceive that attitude.

Don't get me wrong, I think predator mode is a fine thing. Prowling for new partners, hey, whatever floats your boat.

But I think that attitude tends to focus on the NRE instead of simply building on what you currently have. There is a lot to be said for building on what you currently have instead of actively prowling.

Okay, off my soapbox and back to work. ;-)

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

Tho- especially for me - I'm /always/ in cultivating new friendships mode. Constantly in want of new people. But I can't actually tell you the last time I was actively seeking out an new sex partner.

So - I guess that puts me in a constant predator mode, but on a different vector.

the implementation is different for each of us. And for a bunch of people to whom "Your Kink is Okay" is a common model - why isn't this one? I'm often surprised at how not-the-mainstream-poly-model my model is.

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

"angst at the sfbay-poly community overwhelming feel"

Yup. It says a lot about the person who posted it (I'm never sure if I should name these people -- they are on a public mailing list, but still...).

I can definitely sympathize with the idea of being poly, finding a strong primary and just pretty much settling down with them. I've done that once for a couple of years. I can imagine doing the same with two or more people, though (as in the case with only one) it would have to be the right two or three people.

[bellacrow.livejournal.com]

lovely *snort*

I find two common types of poly alot (which is not to say that there are only two!) - those in it to make and maybe maintain emotional relationships with others, and those who just want to chase new people.