(no subject)

[noahgibbs]

The book Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn, pointed out that the subjugation and destruction of nature by man made perfect sense. Man had, over the years, been told that nature was his enemy, and was to be subjugated. "And should you be surprised, then, to find nature bleeding and writhing on the ground at his feet?"

Be careful directing energy. It has unexpected consequences, always. Not always bad ones, but you can't predict everything that happens, so there will always be something unexpected packaged into your actions.

People who are very, very energetic often surprise us by becoming thoroughly lethargic at some tasks. I'm convinced that that's because most very, very energetic people don't have more energy than the rest of us. They're just good at directing it toward activities that bring them vitality, life and happiness. They learn to love their energy, and so they continue to direct it.

Most people don't. They're used to their actions turning back on them, snake-like. They're used to doing things for (they believe) their own benefit, and seeing it turned against them immediately. Those are people who kill off the flow of their own energy out of self-defense. They are in the vast, vast majority.

So somebody who is usually energetic and becomes lethargic is, to quote papertygre, procrastinating out of self-defense. Somebody enlightened enough to understand what nourishes them, what makes them happy, but not so enlightened as to entirely avoid self-stifling (is there anybody who avoids it entirely?)... That's the kind of person who will utterly fail through lack of effort on a project that doesn't appear difficult to the rest of us, certainly not beyond their abilities.

This is very common. I'm convinced that it's especially common in creative professions - artists, writers and programmers all come strongly to mind. Writer's Block seems to often be caused by it.

I know some of the foolish and common reasons for it. Among writers, for instance, there's a sort of superstition that you've only got so many ideas, and when they're used up, they're used up. That's balderdash, of course, but it's a common enough belief. Creativity, instead, works like muscles -- the more you use it, the better you get at it. And there are easily as many books left to be written as have been written so far. We're not going to run out of topics in my lifetime, not by a long shot. The same applies to artists, who also tend to share this superstition.

Programmers seem especially bound by perfectionism (not that artists and writers don't have the same problem too). "The best is the enemy of the good". Here's another way to look at that problem: "I feel bad if I produce something and it could have been better". When we feel bad, we start stifling energy. So a lack of perfectionism, to a perfectionist, means producing *lots* of crap, which causes them to massively self-stifle. Amusingly enough, that's one *isn't* my problem.

So tell me, if you've read this far: what causes you to stifle yourself? What's your foolish superstition that makes you dam up your natural flow of energy? Say it, because somebody out there shares it, and they may be reading right now.

Comments

[ironangel]

I frequently get caught in the 'good versus good enough' trap. In other words, when I do something, whether it's to write a paper, write some code, refinish the walls in the living room, etc. - I am often either paralyzed or unable to finish because it's not going to turn out perfect - merely good enough. 'Good enough' has never cut it with me, either through some miswired brain cynapse or conditioning, I'm not sure. I have to really push myself to accept good enough.

[zqfmbg.livejournal.com]

That one's pretty easy -- the constant refrain of "lack of time", followed up by the "lack of available tasks" when the time does become available.

There are a number of things I'd love to do, but obviously, I can't do them at work. When I get back in the evenings the few hours of free time I have disappear someplace, and on the weekends, that time also disappears, too. I say "someplace" intentionally -- I have NO clue where the time goes. It just, well, evaporates. It seems like fatigue, but losing 48+ hours of uninterrupted free time makes that seem unlikely.

The really silly thing is that all of these tasks are the sorts of things I did in my spare time years ago, and my enthusiasm for them hasn't waned at all. So there's really no reason for it.

Unsure of the general applicability of this

[papertygre.livejournal.com]

Well, it seems that I've only recently been finding out what actually makes me tick. Specifically, I seem to be sensitive to others and care very much about their approval and welfare, which (especially combined with adequate intelligence) would normally make me a good candidate for a teacher or counselor or somthing along those lines. But a funny thing happened that made me close myself off when I was very young, and I went along from then on trying to develop my technical and creative abilities while shutting out communication, humanities, and psychology.

While I was capable of doing the training and work I sought for myself, it took a long time to finally recognize that the only thing which motivated me to do it was strong, positive, human interaction. When I found myself cast into an environment where I wasn't getting the interaction, I started to procrastinate and grind to a halt. I wasn't interested in the work itself, but only in the positive effect it had on others.

It's a little puzzling that I never stopped to notice this about myself, nor did anyone ever observe it and clue me in, but I suppose I never gave anyone much of a chance to.

(There's still one thing I'm not sure about with this hypothesis, though. If you stop providing encouragement to almost any programmer, they are almost certain to get bored and quit producing. That's supposedly one reason that pair programming has been so successful. So is there really anything different about my case? Maybe the difference is that everyone needs to be praised for their work, but not everyone needs to feel that their actions are directly helpful in making a positive difference to others.)

Anyway, in a sense, stiflement is my normal and accustomed mode of operation. Assuming that my recent insights are on the right track, here I sit, starting for once to try to get a handle on whether - and how - I could map out and begin to use some possible circuits of self-reinforcement and positive feedback. The skills I need are still very weak and underdeveloped. So, for example, I'm considering rejoining Toastmasters (when I belonged to a club in RI, a new member joined, and when I shook hands with him he sized me up in my purple suit and he said "You're in sales, aren't you?" - and I wanted to laugh because a salesperson is the last role in the world I would have cast myself into - so this seemed to be a sign of some success.) Meanwhile, the classes I'm taking are starting to make the juices flow, but I do still have some old and fairly crusty homework habits that I need to work on. Speaking of which, I should really go do some reading now...

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

So somebody who is usually energetic and becomes lethargic is, to quote papertygre, procrastinating out of self-defense. Somebody enlightened enough to understand what nourishes them, what makes them happy, but not so enlightened as to entirely avoid self-stifling (is there anybody who avoids it entirely?)... That's the kind of person who will utterly fail through lack of effort on a project that doesn't appear difficult to the rest of us, certainly not beyond their abilities.

Whoa. That...that's a thinker.

I don't have anything to respond to this right now, but thanks for posting it. I'm going to have to give this one some time.

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

Yeah. One of the reasons I posted this, even though it definitely still feels rough in my mind, is that I know many people who work this way.

*Many* people.

[neverjaunty.livejournal.com]

Among writers, for instance, there's a sort of superstition that you've only got so many ideas, and when they're used up, they're used up.

I admit I've honestly never heard this one.

And I really question that such people are in "the vast, vast majority." Maybe the majority of our social circles, which tend to be full of overintellectualizing/creative/unusual people, but people in general? Nah. Most of them don't even notice, I think.

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

I admit I've honestly never heard this one.

You've never seen people pace themselves and avoid using up all their good ideas on one project? You've certainly seen that, but I'll bet you find that they tend to save their very *best* ideas for specific projects, rather than 'use them up' early.

So perhaps I should say 'only so many *good* ideas'.

I actually say that people that dam up their own energy are in the vast majority, and that I *strongly* believe. I don't think you have to get writer's block to be unwilling to do much because you're used to it doing the 'wrong' thing. I'd say that less intellectual people have the problem just as much, and often more, they just express it differently.

[neverjaunty.livejournal.com]

but I'll bet you find that they tend to save their very *best* ideas for specific projects

Saving up the best ideas from what you currently have, for your best/highest-paying projects, is a long way from a superstititous belief that you're gonna be out of ideas and that's it. Honestly, as Zhaneel could probably tell you, that's an amateur writer's notion. Pro writers recycle.

[kirktis.livejournal.com]

From a programming perspective, my cause tends to be time or self-confidence. The perfectionism you speak of is almost inherent to the art, especially in larger projects and even moreso in open source communities... the more people who see your source, the more criticize. I generally find that my problem is either that I know I do not have the time/resources to perfect my code, and so I never release it, or I feel unable to perfect the code at all, regardless of time, and so I shelve the project.

[yanijc.livejournal.com]

I am definitly victim of the "perfectionist" ideal.
Why, if I'd actually _tried_ to do well on that I would've done a really good job, but I was too busy to ... not procrastinate. mmm.

I find I need to re-read Ishmael after reading this thread.

I used to own 6 copies.

Currently I have none, because I lent them all out to people and none of them ever found their way back to me.

Thank You, angelbob.

[playapepper.livejournal.com]

I have found that "Ishmael" has a spell of some sort on it. It can *only* be given.

It is *impossible* to lend, because it *never* comes back.

I have resorted to just buying a copy for anyone I consider lending it to. It's easier than waiting for months to get it back, and then just buying *myself* a new copy.

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

I know of some books like that :-)

So far I've never lent anyone "Ishmael", so I hadn't realized it was one of those.

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

I think I procrastinate out of reticence to output the activation energy for a task. Once I get going on something the energy starts to flow and I am (other than the need for food and sleep) fairly self-sustaining. But in order to get to that state I have to PUT OUT a fair chunk of energy to start. And that's hard. And sometimes I'm afraid I'll never get past that initial output to the state where I start getting energy back. This is especially true with things like working on my cars. I KNOW that I love working on them and yet, somehow, I will find myself sitting around and poking at things on the internet rather than going out and working on them. And I will say to myself "you love that. you know you would be having more fun out there in the garage than you are here in the house" and I will be confused. But I think it is because for the first 20min or so I wouldn't be having more fun - I would be having less fun doing boring things like changing into work clothes, finding tools, clearing space... and even after the boring stuff was done the energy wouldn't flow immediately. And I might break something or lose something or something could go wrong...

I get around this by setting goals for myself. Right now my goal is to have Syren substantially decorated in time for 4th of July next year. I might have to set a shorter term goal though to get myseld really started... right now 4th of July seems far enough off that further procrastination WILL occurr....

[plantgirl.livejournal.com]

Wandering in so late in the conversation it's already over...

I stifle myself because if I don't I might actually achieve something. Worse yet, I might do it well. If that happened, I would have no excuse for all the years I have failed to produce at that level. It is easier to fail in the known ways, where the stakes are seemingly low, than to risk failing more spectacularly.

[angelbob.livejournal.com]

That's a very powerful motivation, and one I hadn't considered. Thank you.