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As my wife mentions that I have, occasionally in the past, kept a journal... Yeah, I'm really not doing anything like that, and haven't for some time.
I *do* sometimes write, but one way or another it's about work. Not necessarily a paid job, or even anything I'd sell, but still about work.
I feel like I'm *directed* again, the way I was when I was young and trying to permanently escape Texas. I have goals, and they basically eat all my time. It's not a particularly thoughtful space. I don't mean that I don't think -- I think all the time, all day every day. Thought is how I work and how I plan and a boost to even basic things like chores.
But I'm directed-thinky, not undirected-thinky, which feels entirely different. Even the relatively slow times for thinking (I was out running for nearly 5 miles today) still tend to turn into something of use or profit, or at least an attempt in that direction. Partly I just feel a lot of pressure to make it all happen. We want to get permanent residence here, we have a roof replacement to pay off, we're buying the parcel of land next to us, we have a tax payment this month... £5k or £10k or more here and there adds up fast.
I once had all kinds of filters for various kinds of writing. I don't think I've ever used them here, though I imported some from LiveJournal back in the day -- and I didn't use them a ton there, either.
I doubt I need to filter much here. The (very) few people that might read me here aren't people I'm worried about. Partly, there aren't many people I'm worried about reading me. I'm not exactly invulnerable, but... everything else is pretty low-stakes, so long as I have my home and family.
I have creative outlets, but frankly they're mostly boring to write about. I love playing the piano, and I've been doing it for a year and a half. But for most people, talking about it is the opposite of good small talk. Programming is the same but more so, even the parts that I'm *not* making money off or intending to.
And I haven't been drawing for awhile. Too many things to do, so it's mostly fallen to the wayside. I don't do *zero* drawing, but not a lot. Partly it's not as creatively satisfying as the piano. It's just so easy to play something that *sounds* good. Drawing is more effort to get something I genuinely like.
(And again, not a great conversation topic.)
I *do* sometimes write, but one way or another it's about work. Not necessarily a paid job, or even anything I'd sell, but still about work.
I feel like I'm *directed* again, the way I was when I was young and trying to permanently escape Texas. I have goals, and they basically eat all my time. It's not a particularly thoughtful space. I don't mean that I don't think -- I think all the time, all day every day. Thought is how I work and how I plan and a boost to even basic things like chores.
But I'm directed-thinky, not undirected-thinky, which feels entirely different. Even the relatively slow times for thinking (I was out running for nearly 5 miles today) still tend to turn into something of use or profit, or at least an attempt in that direction. Partly I just feel a lot of pressure to make it all happen. We want to get permanent residence here, we have a roof replacement to pay off, we're buying the parcel of land next to us, we have a tax payment this month... £5k or £10k or more here and there adds up fast.
I once had all kinds of filters for various kinds of writing. I don't think I've ever used them here, though I imported some from LiveJournal back in the day -- and I didn't use them a ton there, either.
I doubt I need to filter much here. The (very) few people that might read me here aren't people I'm worried about. Partly, there aren't many people I'm worried about reading me. I'm not exactly invulnerable, but... everything else is pretty low-stakes, so long as I have my home and family.
I have creative outlets, but frankly they're mostly boring to write about. I love playing the piano, and I've been doing it for a year and a half. But for most people, talking about it is the opposite of good small talk. Programming is the same but more so, even the parts that I'm *not* making money off or intending to.
And I haven't been drawing for awhile. Too many things to do, so it's mostly fallen to the wayside. I don't do *zero* drawing, but not a lot. Partly it's not as creatively satisfying as the piano. It's just so easy to play something that *sounds* good. Drawing is more effort to get something I genuinely like.
(And again, not a great conversation topic.)
